He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Who did Billy Mays play for?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wish my penis had a tongue
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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