Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
