Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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