he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
