Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
