you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize