I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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