He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize