Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
