If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
