There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
