ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
