i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No subtext here. People are naked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
