Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
