had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
