I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
