And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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