Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
