i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i love accidental penises.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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