My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
