The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
