Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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