Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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