okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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