He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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