Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
