You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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