i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
