nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
