She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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