i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
