i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
