Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
