did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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