Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
