Soap is not a condiment
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
