Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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