he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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