Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
