1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
