I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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