I just threw up on my dentist
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
