If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
