So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
