my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
