You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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