His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
