Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
