i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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