went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
