Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
