in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize