how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
