I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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