Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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