he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
