Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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