remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
