are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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