what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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