Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
