Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
