Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
