Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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