I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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