My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I CAN MOONWALK!
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize