the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
