Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
