The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
