he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How's work?
Spinning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
