her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
