yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
