Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
