it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
