Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
