Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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