this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
