I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
