the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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