you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
