You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
