Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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