She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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