people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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