Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
