When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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