she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
