we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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