Three words: puerto rican gang bang
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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