Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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