Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
